You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
