My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
