Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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