If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
