well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
