never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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