I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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