another moral hangover. fuck.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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