And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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