I think my vagina is haunted
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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