on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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