I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
