We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
