I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
