His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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