Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
