If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
