im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
time to smoke my breakfast
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
