U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
