Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
PANTIES FOUND
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
