just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
