can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
