it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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