shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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