S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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