pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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