I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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