If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
