Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
