god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
