Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize