A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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