A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You pole danced in your parka.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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