It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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