Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
