I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
