Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
