I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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