the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
