she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
