these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
