i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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