hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
