I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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