According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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