question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
