Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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