Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
