i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we're making bets on your personal life
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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