I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
