I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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