There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
