I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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