I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
