He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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