Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
