Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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