that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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