your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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