he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
