If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
