Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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