You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
