nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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