the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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