I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
