I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
