so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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