Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
